voncookie | November 2, 2009
Wow. That was unreal. No. It was the opposite of unreal. It was TOO real. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a nightmare that was so realistic that, when I woke up from it, I breathed a sigh of relief that it was *only* a dream. You’re genuinely going to LOL when you [...]
voncookie | May 27, 2008
Tossing and turning. My stomach is tossing and turning. My heart is thumping and churning. My brain spins me right and left, unquiet. No reason for this. No reason except that my dissertation is not yet finished. No reason except that I should be done by now. No reason except that I’d be lucky to [...]
voncookie | April 27, 2008
I’m doing delicate work these days, trying to work up a conference paper that deals with eugenics. Now, eugenics is a touchy issue. And accusing an entire publication of taking a eugenicist approach to science is a little dangerous. And so it feels, as I work on this piece of art that is the Conference [...]
voncookie | April 12, 2008
I’ve had some nemeses in my lifetime: the Perfect Girl Valedictorian that could do no wrong in High School… My sinuses, which required four separate surgeries in the early ’9os… Depression which later morphed into a particularly toxic brand of Rapid-Cycling Bipolar Disorder… Medications that made me gain 40 lbs in 6 weeks immediately after [...]
voncookie | March 12, 2008
All I want to do these days is knit. Just knit myself into a stupor, until I have carpal tunnel syndrome, until I have so many pairs of socks, so many scarves, so many afghans and throws that my apartment looks like an old folks’ home. When I’m not knitting, I want to be sleeping, [...]
voncookie | March 11, 2008
I don’t know what I was thinking going to bed a little bit early, even just a half hour early… Here it is, almost 1 a.m., I have to teach tomorrow, I have to be on my toes tomorrow, and instead I’m up in my fake-silk charmeuse pajamas from Target wondering, where did I go [...]
voncookie | February 25, 2008
Goodness! (The word I use when I don’t want to swear profusely…) I never have been so completely stressed in my entire existence. And here I was a few entries back at the beginning of this month saying how calm things were and how I shouldn’t wish for drama. Well, a part of me must [...]
voncookie | February 18, 2008
I went to bed early and everything, hoping for some good REM-sleep, to wake up refreshed and invigorated. Instead I woke up with that ice-water-on-my-spine feeling that accompanies the onset of anxiety attacks in my world. I lay paralyzed in bed, unable to get my mind off where I feel I’ve messed up in grad [...]
voncookie | February 17, 2008
Confession: I have a left-over Incomplete grade from 3 years ago. I had every good intention in taking the Incomplete—I was dissatisfied with my usual method for writing papers, and wanted to teach myself how to write a paper in a new, less High-School type way. And then, suddenly, it was time to study for [...]
